Dear Parents with Little Ones in Sports

We can do better. We can be competitive AND teach positive life lessons to our kids. 

During our 4 year old’s soccer games the past 2 weekends, Pete and I witnessed “adults” behaving in ways that caused our hearts to ache.

We watched parents yelling at parents, coaches yelling at coaches, parents yelling at their kids, and we weren’t the only ones watching.

The 4 year olds were watching too.

Let’s all take a deep collective breath and remember:

• Our children learned to walk approximately 3 years ago.

• Our children have only had a few years of practicing eye-hand and eye-foot coordination. 

• Our children may not like the same sports we do…in fact, albeit it’s dreadful to consider, they may not like any sports, period! 

• Our children may not excel at the same activities we do.

• Our children may not be athletically gifted.

• It is not our children’s job to make up for our lost dreams.

• It is not our children’s job to succeed in the same things we were successful in.

• It is not our children’s job to make us proud with their athletic prowess.

• It is not healthy for us to live vicariously through our children and their successes or failures. 

• There are NO college scouts at our 4 year old’s sporting events‼️

Let’s all take a deep collective breath and ask ourselves:

• What do we want them to learn? 

• What life lessons do we hope they take away from playing on a team or learning a sport?

• How can we make this about them and not us?

• Is our behavior placing value on our kids or on their performance? 

• What lessons are we teaching them about their worthiness?

• How do we want them to treat themselves and others as they grow?  

This spring, Pete and I watched 4 year olds learn that:

• Screaming at those you disagree with is acceptable when done between adults.

• Everything can be put on hold while you throw a temper tantrum.

• Cursing, name-calling, and flailing our limbs is an appropriate way to express our anger and frustration. 

And, most heartbreakingly, we watched 4 year olds learn that:

• They’re not allowed to cry even when they’re hurt or scared. 

This isn’t it parents. 

I come from a very competitive family. We all played college sports. I get it!

I have no doubt that as my kids grow older, I will have to check my attitude, and come up with mechanisms to remain calm and keep things in perspective.

This will be a challenge for me, and I’ll need your help to remember what’s really important.

Let’s remember to cheer our kids on without expecting perfection.

Let’s remember to encourage our kids to play hard, work hard, and give a 100% without modeling damaging behavior.

Let’s remind each other that our kids’ hearts, and who they grow up to be is more important than the points they miss or make, the games they win or lose, or the final score.

As my kids grow older, and sports become more competitive, I have no doubt I will act in ways I will regret. I’m deciding now that when those moments present themselves, I will say, “I’m sorry,” I will ask for forgiveness, and I will commit to do better.

Anyone reading this has my full permission to hold me accountable to this pledge.

We can do better!

Our kids deserve better!